Grace is my daughter's middle name. It came about rather insignificantly, it just sounded good next to her first name, Eliana, which I picked out ten years before she came into our lives. As these first 41 days of her life have rolled by, I've grown to love the name more and more.
Grace has saved me. As one prone to perfectionism and achievement, I could easily spend my whole life trying to prove to myself and others that I am worthy of love and attention. Grace is the only thing that can slow me in my tracks and free my heart into knowing that I am loved, regardless of how much I do.
Grace, my sweet daughter, is also saving me. I find myself becoming closer to who I always wanted to be in her presence. Someone who cherishes time with others without having to rush off. Someone who asks the questions she really wants to ask because this little one has somehow set both of us at ease. Someone with a deep unending well of love inside, that isn't there because it should be, but because this sweet girl seems to have planted it deep inside. I'm so grateful to all the people and experiences that cleared that well out over the last 10 years so that I could feel the purity of this love - that is a topic for another post though.
I was not prepared for her to do so much for me. I grieved the loss of my freedom and independence as I settled into the impending reality that I would be doing so much for her in the coming decades, but I did not anticipate how much I would be freed into the me I want to be.
If there are any up and coming parents out there, you've probably been fairly warned about the sleepless nights, the major lifestyle change, and how difficult it is to go on a date with your partner. But let me warn you about this: these defenseless little ones have the power to lower our defenses and leave us softer and better and more who we'd like to be, if you'll let them squirm their way into those parts of your heart that need softening.
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